The Butter Stick

John McCain, the courageous American war hero, waving to millions of his patriotic, God-loving, pro-America voters.

Abortion
John McCain loves every baby and wants to kill its father if the baby was a cause of rape.

Afghanistan
John McCain’s number one priority is to catch Bin Laden after America wins the 100 year war in Iraq.

Climate
John McCain is pro-climate.

Cuba
John McCain will not only kill Fidel Castro with his bare hands, but will also head-butt every Cuban in Miami back to Cuba… in Guantanamo Bay.

Drugs
John McCain is against all contemporary hippy actions and influences.

Economy
John McCain believes “the fundamentals of the economy are strong.”  Although he voted for the $700 billion bailout, the trickle down theory is known to work so well that in the end, all the money plus a large lump sum will be returned to the taxpayer.

Energy
John McCain didn’t believe in off-shore drilling until Sarah Palin joined the ticket.  Now he is completely and totally for energy independence.  And by that, he means that Iraq and Afghanistan are part of the United States when it comes to oil.

Gay Marriage
John McCain is completely against the mingling of same-sexes because he thinks of the children.  Not only will children turn out gay when hanging around gay parents, much like short people growing tall when hanging around other tall people, but they will also never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That is why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

Healthcare
John McCain believes that if you can afford it, you deserve it.  If you can’t, don’t get hurt.  This isn’t socialist Russia where people can shoot themselves in the face and be rewarded with a hot meal and a band-aid.

Housing
John McCain believes that if you can afford it, you should spend all of your savings on it plus tae out loans you can’t pay back, because in the end, the trickle down theory will work to your advantage.

Immigration
John McCain is against immigration so that America may be built big and strong for Americans by Americans.  This is how our country was founded.

Iran
John McCain wants to simple bomb Iraq, just like the old Beach Boys song goes: “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran!”

Iraq
John McCain wants to win in Iraq every day for no less than 100 years, when we will have successfully and completely defeated and annihilated terrorism and all bad guys off of the face of the earth.

Taxes
John McCain wants to give tax breaks to the biggest companies and the rich, to take the burden of the economy off of their backs.  Big companies can provide more low paid jobs to hobos while the rich can have more money for political campaigns, the stock market, and general benefit to the trickle down theory.  In the end, the people on the bottom rung of society win.