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Filed under: Abortion & Murder, Asia, Communism, Democracy, Federal Spending, Gas & Oil, Global Warming, Homosexuality, Illegal Immigration, Issues, Middle East, North America, Patriotism, Politics, Religion, South America, Terrorism, Tree Hugging, USA, War On..., World | Tags: 2008 Elections, 2008 Presidential Elections, Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Bin Laden, Candidate, Candidates, Economy, Election Winner, Gay Marriage, GOP, Iran, Iraq, Issues, John, John McCain, John Sydney McCain, McCain Winner, On the Issues, Platform, Republican, Republican Nominee, Sarah Palin, Taxes, Winner
John McCain, the courageous American war hero, waving to millions of his patriotic, God-loving, pro-America voters.
Abortion
John McCain loves every baby and wants to kill its father if the baby was a cause of rape.
Afghanistan
John McCain’s number one priority is to catch Bin Laden after America wins the 100 year war in Iraq.
Climate
John McCain is pro-climate.
Cuba
John McCain will not only kill Fidel Castro with his bare hands, but will also head-butt every Cuban in Miami back to Cuba… in Guantanamo Bay.
Drugs
John McCain is against all contemporary hippy actions and influences.
Economy
John McCain believes “the fundamentals of the economy are strong.” Although he voted for the $700 billion bailout, the trickle down theory is known to work so well that in the end, all the money plus a large lump sum will be returned to the taxpayer.
Energy
John McCain didn’t believe in off-shore drilling until Sarah Palin joined the ticket. Now he is completely and totally for energy independence. And by that, he means that Iraq and Afghanistan are part of the United States when it comes to oil.
Gay Marriage
John McCain is completely against the mingling of same-sexes because he thinks of the children. Not only will children turn out gay when hanging around gay parents, much like short people growing tall when hanging around other tall people, but they will also never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That is why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
Healthcare
John McCain believes that if you can afford it, you deserve it. If you can’t, don’t get hurt. This isn’t socialist Russia where people can shoot themselves in the face and be rewarded with a hot meal and a band-aid.
Housing
John McCain believes that if you can afford it, you should spend all of your savings on it plus tae out loans you can’t pay back, because in the end, the trickle down theory will work to your advantage.
Immigration
John McCain is against immigration so that America may be built big and strong for Americans by Americans. This is how our country was founded.
Iran
John McCain wants to simple bomb Iraq, just like the old Beach Boys song goes: “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran!”
Iraq
John McCain wants to win in Iraq every day for no less than 100 years, when we will have successfully and completely defeated and annihilated terrorism and all bad guys off of the face of the earth.
Taxes
John McCain wants to give tax breaks to the biggest companies and the rich, to take the burden of the economy off of their backs. Big companies can provide more low paid jobs to hobos while the rich can have more money for political campaigns, the stock market, and general benefit to the trickle down theory. In the end, the people on the bottom rung of society win.
Filed under: Abortion & Murder, Communism, Democracy, Federal Spending, Gas & Oil, Global Warming, Health, Homosexuality, Illegal Immigration, Issues, Middle East, North America, Patriotism, Politics, Religion, South America, Terrorism, Tree Hugging, USA, War On..., World | Tags: 2008, 2008 Election, Abortion, Afghanistan, Barack, Barack Hussein Obama, Barack Obama, Candidate, Climate, Compare the Candiates, Cuba, Debate, Decision, Democrat, Democratic Party, Drugs, Economy, Election, Energy, Gay Marriage, Housing, Hussein, Illegal Immigration, Iran, Iraq, Islam, John McCain, Muslim, November, Obama, Poll, Presidency, President, Presidential Candidate, Senator, socialism, Taxes, Terror, Vote
Barack Hussein Obama demonstrating how to pick out hair lice to a crowd of hippy supporters, also known collectively as "Californians."
Abortion
Barack Hussein Obama supports abortion and dislikes children.
Afghanistan
Barack Hussein Obama wants to move all troops from Iraq to Afghanistan in hope of catching Osama bin Laden. The Democratic platform suggests that the war in Iraq can be won by throwing up the white flag, retreating from the nation, and declaring it “opposite day.”
Climate
Barack Hussein Obama votes for regulating climate change nine times out of ten to prevent rainy days in Seattle. He wishes to redistribute the wealth of rain to some less fortunate areas, such as Arizona.
Cuba
Barack Hussein Obama will remove the trade embargo on Cuba and play Yahtzee with Fidel Castro as millions of illegal Cuban immigrants will consequently swim to Miami, Florida on floating meat balls.
Drugs
Barack Hussein Obama states “I did inhale – that was the point,” when referring to his college past.
Economy
Barack Hussein Obama voted for the $700 billion taxpayer bailout to Wall Street. This, he says, will help the US recover from the current recession and keep bankers from losing their $90 million pocket change. Mainly however, he is an adherent of the socialist economic system, borrowed from texts such as the Communist Manifesto and Das Capital.
Energy
Barack Hussein Obama doesn’t believe energy independence is as fun as giving Exxon a tax break and funding Hugo Chavez’s Communist oil empire in South America. He does however, advocate for the manufacturing of the Toyota SailCar (a type of sail-boat on wheels that runs solely on wind energy) and the Thompson Solar-Powered Flashlight.
Gay Marriage
Barack Hussein Obama wants to legalize gay marriage and possibly open the door to all sorts of irrational behavior. Some people may request to marry their cats and dogs, because cats and dogs have legal standing and the ability to understand and sign a marriage license.
Healthcare
Barack Hussein Obama wants to socialize all healthcare by enlarging hospital waiting rooms, increasing the variety of newspaper and magazine subscriptions a physician may have for free, and installing bars open to both patients and nursing staff.
Housing
Barack Hussein Obama does not approve of the housing crisis and bank foreclosures.
Immigration
Barack Hussein Obama believes all people should move to the United States and enjoy the taxpayer-paid programs America has to offer.
Iran
Barack Hussein Obama wishes to arrange a play-date with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad outside of a Tehran nuclear war-head constructing facility.
Iraq
Barack Hussein Obama suggests Iraq no longer be an issue, so he is willing to retreat all American troops to Afghanistan.
Taxes
Barack Hussein Obama is spearheading the “Operation: Robin Hood,” in which he plans to tax all the money from the rich and give it to the poor. Then, when the poor become rich and the rich become poor, he’ll do the same thing again to solve that minor shenanigan.
