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Filed under: Africa, Business, Technology, World | Tags: Africa, Award, Awards, Carter, Ceremony, Dearly beloveds, Fake News, Humore, Jimmy Carter, Nigeria, President, Satire, Scam, Scammer, Spam
The first awards ceremony dedicated to Nigerian e-mail fraud was held last night in the capital city of Abuja, drawing a large internet café crowd of nearly 100 audience members.
The ceremony was presided over by Barrister Derrick H. MELODY, Principal Attorney, and co-hosted by Mrs. Chung Hee- Ja Kim Choong. Both were there to reward the best scammers with the amount of $10,000,000.00 for their past fraudulent efforts, payable on receipt of their good intentions.
Former President Jimmy Carter and Barrister Derrick H. MELODY tour Lagos, Nigeria. Barrister MELODY said Carter was invited to Nigeria for the award ceremony, but Carter claimed to know nothing about the event, saying only that he came to the country to collect a portion of an unclaimed inheritance.
“Pardon us for invading your privacy,” MELODY began. “These awards are of a sincere nature in recognition of the most successful Nigerian unsolicited e-mail entrepreneurs.”
Mrs. Choong then presented the first award — “Most Successful Scammer” — to the Honorable Frank Edward of the Foreign Debt Reconciliation Panel e-mail scam.
“Congratulations, dear winner,” Choong said to Edward as she presented him with the award. “We are pleased to inform you that you are the winner of this category.”
Tears welled up in Edward’s eyes as he thanked the audience.
“The only things needed for the transfer of this award to me are my greatest sincerities to all of you,” he said.
Scammer Kobeki Shiton-u was given an award for “Best Use of English” in a scam e-mail.
“I have been rewarded with good spelling because of my partnership role with an English spell checker in my e-mail software,” Shiton-u said. “Herein after I shall refer to the program as my e-mail client for award purposes.”
Scammer Timboku Opeptide accepted the “Most Creative” scam award for his “Nigerian Pop Star Dies Without Will” scam.
“Dearly beloveds,” he began, holding up the award trophy. “On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of the late Butitny Spear, whose name I used in my bait e-mails, I leave the sum of my humble thankfulness for this award. This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true.”
The awards ceremony was cut short after rumors began circulating that a government raid on the internet café was imminent.
Story by Tim Sharpe, editor of “Sir Satire’s New World Order News Service“
Filed under: Democracy, Middle East, North America, Politics, Religion, Terrorism, USA, War On..., World | Tags: Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaida, Election, Endorsed, Hamas, Hezbollah, Humor, Iraq, John Mcain, Middle East, Osama bin Laden, Republican, Saddam Hussein, Satire, The Butter Stick, War, Woolsey
Al-Qaeda, the international Islamofascist terrorist organization lead and administered by Osama bin Laden and supported through time by various other Muslim extremists such as Saddam Hussein and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has, as a feeble attempt to sway the US presidential elections, endorsed Republican nominee John McCain.
On October 20, CIA officials learned of the private endorsement on the password-protected al-Hesbah Web site owned by Al-Qaeda, the terrorist organization which bombed the World Trade Centers on 9/11. A translator revealed the message to be oddly simpathetic to John McCain, the only candidate on the November 5th, 2008 poll who stands for freedom and democracy in the Middle East as well as nation security in the United States.
“If al-Qaida carries out a big operation against American interests,” the message said, “this act will be support of McCain because it will push the Americans deliberately to vote for McCain so that he takes revenge for them against al-Qaida. Al-Qaida then will succeed in exhausting America till its last year in it.”
Jim Woolsey, former head of the CIA, correctly assessed Al-Queda’s intentions. Since Al-Qaeda is an evil terrorist organization, whoever they support or “like” must either be just as evil or weak enough for them to take advantage of, as was the case in 2004 when bin Laden released a tape to the public revealing his endorsement of John Kerry.
Why, though, endorse John McCain and not Barrack Obama? John McCain is quoted as willing to stay in Iraq for “a hundred” years in order to defeat terrorism and win the war. He is the toughest individual when it comes to national security and border control. With John McCain, the American people can expect another 4 or maybe even 8 years of peace at home and victory in the Middle East. Barrack Hussein Obama wishes to pull out of Iraq as quickly as possible, letting Al-Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, etc. run lose and free to yet again take the war to America with another attack on innocent civilians.
Osama is fully aware of this and Jim Woolsey is fully aware of Osama’s intentions. This game of mind-tricks is simple enough to be called a weak attempt at reverse psychology. Al-Qaeda’s intentions are to alienate the American voter by making him think twice about casting a ballot for someone who is supported by a terrorist organization. Osama wants Obama, and in order to do so, Al-Qaeda will go the lengths of smearing and damaging the reputation of John McCain to attain their goal and defeat America.
