The Butter Stick

In the most recent wave of Chinese imports to the shores of California, a surprising shipment discovery will lead to more secure border, economy, and manufacturing inspection controls. The trade agreement signed with the Chinese dictatorship ultimately backfired when it was found that imported children’s toys were coated not only in dangerous lead-based paints, but also with COMMUNISM.

During the past few months, parents and guardians have obsessed with the dangers posed by China-manufactured toys. Lacking proper 21^st century regulations, most toys created within the past ten years have been called back. Lead, a poisonous metal, was found in the paint substances of many toys, including the most popular brand, King-Sego, which produces almost 18 million toys worldwide. Updated US-China trade agreements were undertaken immediately after the hospitalization of hundreds in lead poisoning instances.

This week however, a new threat was discovered during routine inspections and an unprecedented number of customer complaints. Extremely high levels of communism were found in hundreds of thousands of toys, half of which had already been distributed to the American public.

“I am truly scared,” stated one Oklahoma City mother of four, after discovering a hammer and sickle emblem on an action figure Superman. “This was the last thing I thought could harm my kids. What can I expect when I have to buy cheap imports for my boys?”

President of China, Hu Jintao, refused to comment, but instead talked of the already 20 million recalled toys. The UN Security Council has however, called for a meeting next week in discussion of free trade regulation and manufacturing oversight. Bo Xilai, Minister of Commerce, and Hu Jintao are both expected to explain their nation’s commercial actions.

94,000 Superman action figures are reported having the trademark hammer and sickle of communism emblem painted on their chest, rather than the traditional “S.” At least 360,000 English versions of Karl Marx’s and Friedrich Engels, The Communist Manifesto, were discovered in place of an owner’s manual for stereos, televisions, computers, and children’s toys which may require assembly. Some Barbie doll toys and voice over games even have prerecorded slogans and quotes by Marx, Mao Zedong, Vladimir Lenin, Deng Xiaoping, and Fidel Castro all prominent revolutionary figures.

“Unbelievable. The [expletive] my eight-year-old now spews through her little mouth,” protests Anne Lawrence, an angry customer. “I don’t know if I should ground her or stop shopping at Walmart.”

President Bush has issued an emergency ordinance in which all toys manufactured after a certain time period, November 7, are to be repackaged and sent to their respective sales storefront. Walmart alone is expected to receive at least 940,000 returned “Made in China” products. Until the UN meeting, during which all should be straightened out among the largest free trade partners in the Atlantic and the Pacific, Chinese toy imports will be withheld from reaching any commercial centers and all remaining returned items should be once again recalled by Hu Jintao.

For parents across America however, it may be too late. Mothers Against Communist Toys (MACT), an organization headquartered in West Virginia has already held a fifth press conference urging Congress to cut all trading relations with Communist Party run nations such as China, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos, and impose numerous embargos on each nation, as is currently the situation with Cuba.

“No toys for my boys!” Shouts an angry MACT protestor. Another chimes in, “Rid us of communist G. I. Joes!”