The Butter Stick

Sondra Waldron was the first woman in known world history to give birth. To herself. Following a brutal forty-seven hours of labor Yellowpoint Community Hospital, in Yellowpoint, Quebec, the woman’s newborn turned out to be non other than herself. Scientists, doctors, creationists, and religious leaders around the world are bewildered and baffled by the unexpected event.

Waldron, 43, had been pregnant for only eight and a half months, thus birth prematurely. Her husband, Ted Waldron, was equally shocked up hearing the news from the multiple nurses and doctors. He was told to wait in a separate room during labor; Waldron was put on heavy doses of painkiller and experienced aggressive heart spasms during the operation. A C-section was needed in order to extract the 112-pound baby from the womb of its mother. To the amazement of Dr. Jose Carlin, the baby turned out to be none other than the patient Sondra Waldron herself.

“I couldn’t believe it,” admits Dr. Carlin, with PhD at Georgetown. “My assistants and I were watching her for more than two days in labor. The patient had been in our Intensive Care Unit for the last four months of pregnancy, when the fetus was weighed at nine times the average in that trimester. We knew from the start, this was going to be an abnormal birth – but I never would have pondered the notion that Mrs. Waldron would actually give birth to herself.”

Sondra and Ted Waldron explained to doctors and the press of their past sessions of intercourse. They had been using several drugs, including prescription steroids, in order to achieve fertility. Once a weigh-in was done during the second trimester of her pregnancy, Sondra was immediately looked after by Yellowpoint Community Hospital and the Family Matters Clinic, a pro-life watchdog and unborn baby care facility. The two medical centers recently came into conflict over the subject of an abortion

“We are glad Sondra rejected the hospital’s abortion strategy. Amazed are we, who never thought it possible,” asserts Dr. Lynette Hindman. “No one has figured it out as far as I know, but think of it this way – if Sondra, who somehow gave birth to herself, was to kill her offspring, wouldn’t that end up killing herself?”

Scientists at the Francia Institute of Popular Science in Quebec (FIPSQ) and researchers from around the world conclude: what happened was a phenomenon in human science.

Dr. Lloyd Laborde, PhD in Medical Science and Medical Scientist at FIPSQ, affirms observations of the staff at Yellowpoint Community Hospital, “the patient did not give birth to another self, a clone or twin, but to her own embodiment. My colleagues and I have theories, but absolutely no solidified truths. The strongest hypothesis is the patient’s fetus was a conceived inner-being of herself, who thus grew up to be the patient herself… as she was reborn, her natural being was thus absorbed into what seems to be her new being… yet she still functions… and acts as her natural being.” He further mentions the aftermath, “It is not a clone or a twin… nothing was reproduced. It was simply reformed, replicated in on itself.”

It does not improve our knowledge of the event with Waldron’s personal testimony, for she was asleep on high levels of pain relievers, antidepressant, and other dangerous drugs throughout labor. She adds her own statement on the experience, “I feel new – refreshed and vibrant. I don’t know what happened, but the pregnancy was a nightmare. No one has fully explained to me where my baby is or where it is being kept. They say… I am the baby.” Waldron is being kept in the Intensive Care Unit at Yellowpoint and is undergoing several psychological counseling sessions. Doctors say she may be suffering from trauma, exhaustion, heart complications, memory loss, and depression.

Dr. Carlin and the hospital staff’s undocumented observations are still the only semi-credible statements. Religious leaders, atheists and creationists, and even well-known scientists in the medical and human studies fields are beginning to deny their claims and the event.

“You tell me how this can happen. What was in her belly for those eight and a half months of pregnancy if she was on the outside? What was inside? How can she come out of herself? How is the newborn a fully grown woman?” State multiple skeptics, “A hoax. A Canadian conspiracy. We have murderous doctors on the loose who kidnaped and ended the life of a newborn and are feeding the poor woman lies, yet they get all the media attention the word has to offer!”

Certainly, this is a never-before conceived instance in the medical field, hoax or not. Another win at life, as this middle-aged woman is born again. A fresh, novel, sin-free life. A God-given opportunity to live life once more.

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